...No deliverance...

I've always looked for happiness ... I dreamed spending nights under the moonlight ... Being just me and me alone, being surrounded only by darkness, cold, everything that is pure ... That night will not come, nothing will be like before ... Everything was so perfect .... Even the Moon, The Queen of the Night, before which not even the smallest cloud dared to settle, looked at me approvingly as I may stay and join that absolute silence ... so quiet, nothing seemed to venture, not even to stand out, to break that well defined pattern.
      Even I was afraid to whisper. Fearful, I was hurt and suffering,  I fitted almost perfectly in that magnificent landscape. I was doing nothing but to sit and contemplate and fight the inevitable struggle for liberation ... In all this kingdom of darkness, where the great flood of cold air abounded the atmosphere, in which the Moon itself kept watch above everything, here I wanted to save myself ...
      Tormented by many failures and disappointments, the lost soul had stayed in that pit of darkness for too long ... Full of sorrow, hatred and suffering, this innocent soul was crying out for help ... He only wanted to be saved, to acknowledge joy, happiness and banish loneliness ...
       Could he, in all his innocence, break the chains of failure and escape the Sisyphean torment? In this prison built by himself there can be no break ... The walls are too high, the handcuffs are too tight and the bars are too cold. No one can escape. The soul, his own prisoner, will not be able to leave without hurting himself again ...
      How beautiful were the times when he could be free ... He could enjoy everything. He could love sincerely and passionately  ... His heart knew happiness ...
      A singular blow was enough ... He was killed in one shot ... That huge shock destroyed him and cast him into darkness and sentenced him to eternal suffering ...
      After all this time, the wounds are still open, the memories are alive and will not in any way to disappear, the pain is so real, there are so many so many that not even time would be able to mend him ...
      It's been almost a year in which the poor soul has taken hit after hit, failure after failure ... He only managed to widen in solitude and everything seemed to go to a more and more imminent conviction. The only hope were his own writings, but they only proved to be just some other disappointments ... He was deceiving himself, believing he can get out of that imprisonment , that being with his loved ones would cure him, and set him free ...  He was able not to share his little love left, but give it all to make the person next to him happy, and thus he would become happy again, in order to feed himself on the happiness that he created ... He would fuel his thirst for happiness from the joy and the smiling faces that he gave to those around them ... But put another failure blacklist, another let-down that would make him be more sad and lose all hope ...
      Lost, without that hope, knowing that everything is in vain, there was no more struggling from the soul and no will to escape. Tired of caring so many fight within himself, tired and mostly finished from so many attempts, losing all his will for salvation, the soul will not leave the dark abyss...
...There is no deliverance for that soul...