If today was my last day

There is this ancient saying that goes like this:”Dream as if you live forever. Live as if you die tomorrow” and I am sure that every single one of us has been at least once confronted to this idea,of premature death.Not once we heard of people that were given diagnosis such as they have only a couple of months to live and we cannot stop on wondering what would it be like if I died tomorrow?

So , assuming that today was my last day alive, I would focus myself on two directions. Firstly, from a physical point of view, considering my limited resources that I am given now, I will most likely go visit my close relatives, my best friends and problably, waiting for my final moments I will retire to the closest place that i like best, a place where I can gather all of my mind, where I can enjoy the peace that we all long for during our speedfull lives. Or, I could chose, in order to spare the tears and the suffering of my loved one, to unknowingly say a quiet goodbye before leaving.

Secondly, the most important part in this last day would be meditating. Though I was supposed to run all day long in order to catch up and do my last activities as a human being before leavin the world,  in my last day of living, the really intense activity will be in my mind. Before an individual dies he usually focuses his ideas on two directions. One, it is our instinct as living beings to always have questions about our future. So the most natural idea in my time of dying would be :”What is after life? What will it happend to me after I pass to the other side'?”. Some would be frightened, thinking about the doctrines they were taught regarding sinning and hell... but not me. I belive that beyond death, there is nothing. Your body just stops functioning, your brain stops thinking and once that happens your mind ceases all activity. As for the ‚'soul'... well, the soul is just a projection of the mind so it dies together with the brain. There are no lava rivers, no devils with spiky spears, no screaming and suffering. There is nothing. But most likely, the idea most people compare to hell, I would name it to be the very last seconds of living, in which- and here comes the second direction your mind runs towards- I would think about all the things I have done, places I’ve seen, tears I have cried, laughes I caused, girls I kissed, hugs and handshakes, swearing and rage, love and friendship, hate and suffering, caring and devotion, moments I have cried myself to sleep and moment I have cried laughing, moments when I've seen my enemy smiling and moments when I’ve seen my mother smiling, moments of thriving and moments of regression, moments of fail and moments of success.

And then, I cannot but wonder, what am I leaving in this world, what will be proof of my existence in this world? But also, the moment of most intense sorrow is when you ask yourself regarding the things that you could have done in the future and even past, and then is when you realise that you could have done so much more but never had the will to. You start regreting the moments you hit a defenseless dog, or broke down your neighbour’s window, or made your mother cry, or shouted at your best friend, or made fun of a less fortunate kid,or chose to remain home alone instead of sharing moments with others. And you also think about what you could have done, about how proud you would have been seeing your child taking his first „A” in school, your first job promotion, your long desired trip abroad, your first grandchild’s words. Regrets torment your soul in the very last moments when all you long for is inner peace. That is what hell looks like, I believe- living your last moments with regrets and unfulfiled wishes.

... Or maybe, I can be one of the lucky and live my last moments with peace , convinced that no matter what I have done, I will be pleased with only I will have been achieved until then....